No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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