He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
