Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
