The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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