I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize