is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
