I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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