Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
