Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
