Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
