I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize