Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
