absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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