awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i think im in europe. pls send help
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
