There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
