so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
not ubering you a puppy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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