..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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