I'm so fucking centered right now
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
