I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
