So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
