So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I party with great urgency now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
