Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
