By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I supernannyed him into submission
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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