I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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