I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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