I just saw a hot homeless man
wakey wakey hands off snakey
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
