i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
