Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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