ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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