if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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