Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize