at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
