its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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