Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize