i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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