So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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