OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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