if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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