Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The struggles of a small town man whore
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
