chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
