Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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