the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
