it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
