You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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