your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
