Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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