Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize