my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
