you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
