Don't you send me to vm
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
