Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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