We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well I just put wine in my tea
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize