So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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