you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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