No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
