Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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