..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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