between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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