I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
