I'm gonna have a badass scar
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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