Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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