I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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