Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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