and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
