Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Green mimosas i think yes
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
