The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
