My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
